Chapter 1


  I stared one last time to the houses opposite that were highlighted orange by the glow of the street lamps before I drew the curtains.  I turned with a sigh, my hands still gripping the curtains and gazed to my bed.  I had waited hours to return to my bed, and now I could feel it drawing me closer and closer.  I looked down at the black and blue bite mark on my wrist and sighed.  My tiredness drew me to my bed and I peeled back the quilt.  I slumped down onto the mattress and heaved the quilt over myself.  I puffed and closed my eyes.  Another six hours and I’d be up again.  My wrist throbbed.  It would be another hour before the painkillers I had taken would kick in, and by then I would be so deep in sleep that I wouldn’t notice the pain anymore.  I felt somewhat safe under the blanket of night, wrapped up in my quilt.

  “Kai…  Kai…  You have to help me get out of here, Kai…  I’m scared…”  My feet slipped all over the floor as I tried to run from them…  There seemed to be corners everywhere I turned.  I crashed into a wall and glanced over my shoulder at the men chasing me.  They reached out and grabbed my ankle, sending me crashing to the floor.  And there was no one to hear my screams…

  This is Tony Horne in the morning.  Let’s go straight over Surrey where we have-
  I slammed my hand onto the alarm clock.  I hated Tony Horne in the morning. I groaned and buried my face into my pillow, my hand still lying on top of the clock.  My wrist pounded with persistent agony.  I rolled onto my back and sat up.  I ruffled my dark floppy hair and stretched.  I tossed aside the quilt and swung my legs over the edge of the bed.  I ran my  palms up and down my face.

  I stared morosely into my reflection, at the dark circles around my eyes and the skin drawn over my cheekbones.  I looked down at my wrist.  The bruise had spread across my skin, and several black lines marked where teeth and tried to embed into my flesh.  I sighed and looked back into my reflection.  I twisted the cold tap on and pulled my toothbrush out of the pot on the windowsill.  I rinsed the bristles, the water spraying the sides of the sink.  I squeezed some toothpaste onto the brush and began brushing my teeth.  I spat the toothpaste out into the sink and rinsed it away.  I splashed some water against my face and turned the tap off.  I grabbed the towel from the radiator with a dripping hand and dried my face.  I gently patted my wrist dry.  I slung the towel over my shoulder and opened the first aid cupboard beside the sink.  I rummaged around packs of plasters before I found a bandage.  I tore open the packet with my teeth and pulled away the end of the bandage.  I set it on my wrist and began winding the bandage around my wrist and hand.  I pinned the end down and closed the cupboard again.

  I returned to my room and scanned my floor for my uniform.  It couldn’t be that hard to find. I found my white scrubs t-shirt lying on the floor.  I picked it up but found a huge coffee stain across the front.  I groaned and tossed it back on the floor.  I turned with a hand on my hip and the other hand on my forehead and spotted a clean set of scrubs on the radiator.  I moved over to the radiator and grabbed the scrubs.  I pulled them on and scouted around for my brush.  I found it somewhere in a pile of underwear and dragged it through my hair.  I looked around with the brush in my hand as I tried to remember what I had to do next.  I glanced over at the clock.  No time for coffee.  I grabbed my three-quarter length coat from the corner of the wardrobe door and dashed out of the room, nervously looking at my watch.

  I glanced up at the sky as I locked the front door.  The clouds were nearing black and heavy.  A rumble sounded from somewhere around a mile away.  I sighed.  I unlocked the car door and climbed into the driver’s seat.  Just as I pulled the car door shut, a drop of water splashed on the windscreen.  A flash of lightning cracked the sky, and more rain hit the windscreen.  I gave a groan.  Brilliant.  Thunderstorm.  The guys are gonna be going crazy.  I pushed the key into the ignition and turned it.  I pulled on my seatbelt and checked my mirrors.  I put the car into gear and dropped the handbrake.  I slowly reversed off the drive.

  The wipers sloshed the pooled rain across my windscreen.  The sky had blackened to a point where I thought I’d woken up four hours too early.  I turned off onto the high street.  Building after building zipped past; solicitors, churches, estate agents.  The ancient workplace loomed up ahead.

  I never knew fully what it was about St Cuthbert’s Hospital, but it always managed to keep everyone away.  I had supposed it was the rusting bars on the windows and the dark masonry.  Or maybe it was the constant wails at night.  I pulled up at the wrought iron gates and rolled down the window.  The rain lashed me across the face as I leaned over to the intercom.
  “  Kai Sharpe.”  I sat back down and rolled up the window as the gates slowly opened.  I parked up in a space by the wall and turned off the ignition.  I climbed out and locked the door, then attempted to shield my head from the rain with my arms.  I buzzed myself in through the main doors and stopped at reception.  The woman behind the reinforced glass pushed a book underneath the glass towards me.  I took up the pen and signed myself in.  I pushed the book back to her.  She handed me my keys, my radio and my ID badge.  I clipped my ID onto my trouser waistband and gave her a nod.  I hung my jacket up and let myself out of reception and into the main corridor.  I didn’t need to use the signs to find my way around anymore.  I followed my feet over to the twisting stairs and made my way up onto ward two.

  I pushed open the doors to ward two and looked around.  It smelled strongly of bleach with a slight hint of urine.  I had guessed someone had had an accident.  Another nurse in a white dress with a small white hat perched neatly on her blonde hair tied up into a bun approached me in a hurry.
  “  Ah, Kai.  Rutherford has been moved upstairs.  He was full of apologies after you left yesterday,” she said as we walked side by side.
  “  He was?”
  “  Mmhm.  They’re starting him on ECT in an hour.”
  “  ECT?  I didn’t think he was that bad.”
  “  Hmm.  I always suspected something about him.  It was waiting to happen.”  We stopped walking, “  Are you sure you want to be on ward duty today?  I’d be more than happy to put you on dispensary today.”
  “  Yeah, I’m sure.  Besides, I want to see what gossip the boys have for me today.”  The nurse turned towards the dispensary, “  Oh, Josie?”  She looked over her shoulder at me,      “  You couldn’t make me a cuppa, could you?  Please?  I’m choking for one.”
  “  Sure,” she smiled.  I ruffled my hair and weaved through the armchairs to the group of men in white gowns sat in a semi-circle around the TV.
  “  What’s happening today, boys?” I asked, leaning on the back of two armchairs.  A man with long straggly hair pointed at the TV with a shaky hand.
  “  Building gone boom!”
  “  A building went boom?  That’s awful.”
  “  How is your arm now, Mr Sharpe?” asked a meek ginger-haired man who was sat cross-legged and huddled in his chair. I glanced over at him.
  “  Sore, but it’s alright thank you.”
  “  Rufus got moved upstairs for it,” said the long-haired man.
  “  Yeah, I know.”  My radio crackled.  I held it up to my face and pressed the button on the side, “  Yeah?”
  “  Room sixteen.  Rosie requests your assistance with Mr Hopkins urgently.”
  “  Got it.  Sorry, guys.  Gotta run.”  I jogged down the corridor.  Door after door passed either side of me until I reached room sixteen.  I peered through the Perspex window at Rosie, another nurse in a white dress with a white hat on her head, pressed up against the wall.  A man, twice the size of me was growling and growing close to her.  I opened the door and stepped into the room.  The man glared at me.  A tray of medication and needles lay scattered on the floor.  
  “  Mr Hopkins.  What’s going on  here?”
  “  Stupid cow wants to stick needles in me.  She’s not sticking anything anywhere near me.”
  “  You need the needles, you know.  And the medicine.  It will make you all better.”
  “  Pfft.  Make me better.  You’re just as stupid as her.”
  “  Hey, hey.  Now let’s calm down and do this properly.”
  “  Calm down?  Calm down?!  I am calm you imbecile!  And I am telling you now, those things aren’t going anywhere near me.”  I sighed and crossed my arms, staring down at the tray of medication.
  “  Mr Hopkins.  We can either do this the easy way or the hard way.  Either way, you are taking this medication.  I’m pretty sure you’ll hate it rectally.”
  “  I’m sure you like it rectal.”  I could feel my blood boiling.
  “  Mr Hopkins, you of all people should know that we do not tolerate verbal or physical abuse in this hospital.”
  “  That’s right.  Slightest thing and you’re up on the Dangerous ward.  Just like poor little Rufus Rutherford.”  The bruise seemed to burn at the thought, “  Yeah, you know.”  He considered my burning cheeks and dangerous expression, “  Come on.  Since you love rectal  so much, come and give me some.”  I went to pounce on him, only to be sprung back onto his bed.  Two hands came down either side of my face, and then his breath hit me in the face as he leaned over me.  He smiled a wide yellow grin.
  “  You know something, Hopkins?  It’s people like you that make me sick.”  Rosie crept up beside him and pushed the needle onto the bed beside my hand.  I spread my fingers over the syringe, my eyes fixed on him.  I closed my hand around it and jabbed it quickly.  They had always known me for my quick precision.  Mr Hopkins’ body slumped on top of mine, the needle sticking out of the fleshy part of his thigh.  I pushed him from on top of me and heaved him onto the bed.  I fastened the white cuffs around his wrists and ankles and removed the needle.  Rosie gathered all of the medication from the floor back into the tray.
  “  Are you okay?”  I asked her.
  “  I’m fine.  But what about you?”
  “  Oh, don’t worry about me.  Now, I think it’s time for that coffee.”  I picked my radio up and followed Rosie from the room.  I watched her walk down the corridor, swaying her delicate hips as I locked the door with a heavy clunk.

  Another crack of lightning broke the sky, followed by a deep rumble overhead.  A few men shrieked and hugged each other.  One dived under a table.  Another hid behind a cushion.  I stepped back into the common room of the ward.  The long-haired man was flat on his stomach, tightly gripping my ankle.
  “  The monsters!  The m-monsters!  They’re h-here!”  I looked up out of the window, then glanced to my right at an old man who was waving his arms around.
  “  The Germans are here!  Get the soldiers to safety!  Bombs!!”  He scampered over to me with his little Arthritic legs and hugged me around the middle.  I looked at him, then down at the man around my ankle.
  “  You in Normandy again, Cutty?” I asked the old man.
  “  Yes, yes!  Germans!  They’re here and they’re blowing us to pieces!”
  “  Well, you go fight those Germans then.”  Cutty scampered back to his corner.  I glanced down at the other man, “  Now, Peter.  Where’s the monsters?”
  “  They’re over at the w-window.  They go boom and flash.”  He stood up and demonstrated with his arms.  He grabbed me by the wrists.  I inwardly gasped in pain.  His brown eyes stared pleadingly into mine.
  “  The monsters aren’t after you.  They’re just playing.  Come and look.”  I took him gently by the wrist and led him to the window, “  Look.  See?”  I could feel him tense, and then loosen up as he smiled.  He pressed his palms to the reinforced glass, a grin plastered across his face.  I turned to the dispensary where Josie had set a mug of coffee.  I picked up the cup and held it in two hands, relishing the warmth.